BR Teen
Negotiating with irrational teenagers as if they were a bank robber with hostages.
BR Teen
Negotiating with irrational teenagers as if they were a bank robber with hostages.
Negotiating with irrational teenagers as if they were a bank robber with hostages.
Negotiating with irrational teenagers as if they were a bank robber with hostages.
Teenagers and bank robbers have a lot in common. They are both irrational, comprised judgement, minimal empathy for others and they make demands. When your teenager becomes angry and irrational, communicate with them as if they were a bank robber to defuse the hostile situation and get your household back to normal.
If you were on the phone with a bank robber negotiating the release of hostages, what would you say? Would you be careful as to how you worded questions? Would you listen carefully? Would you engage in a negotiation to get the hostages out safely? Those are all a good start. Things you would not tell an irrational bank robber is that they need to get to bed earlier or stay off their electronics. It would be very similar to telling the bank robber to throw down his weapon and release the hostages. It is not going to work and the hostages will perish. You are far more likely to get the hostages out alive if you use negotiation tactics.
Similarly, when a teenager is irrational and using bad judgment, a parent should use negotiation tactics. It is very simple. Ask some questions and listen. When a teenager enters this irrational state of mind as displayed by stomping feet, heavy sighs, flaying arms, slamming doors, it is not the time to give life lessons or ground them for life. Using certain tactics will defuse the hostile situation, which makes it much easier to control the teen.
The outcome of a having a bank robber release the hostages and calming the teenager down to a rational state of mind is the same. The parent and the negotiator feel a sense of accomplishment. The bank robber is no longer a threat and the teenager is mentally contained. An irritable teenager can be contagious and quickly change the mood in the home. Using the BR Teen tactics with your teenager will help keep everyone in the house happy.
The angrier the teenager is, the more hostages they have. A good scale is 1 to 15 hostages. At 1 to 5 hostages, the teenager is mildly irrational. Meaning, they have compromised judgement and impaired emotional stability but are easy to bring back to a normal state of mind. At 6 to 11 hostages, the teenager is visibly distraught, ferocious anger, stomping feet, deer in headlights when you talk and waiving hands. It is difficult to bring them back to a rational state of mind. At 12 to 15 hostages they are completely and catastrophically irrational, they put up a wall of rage, there is typically screaming, possibly swearing, irrational hand movements and waiving of arms and a feeling of their life is imploding.
Prevents heated and emotional arguments when teenager is irrational. In turn, hurtful words by parents and teenagers are avoided.
When parents learn to stay calm and employ negotiation tactics, the length of time a teenager remains irrational is decreased. These tactics also tend to lighten the mood and many times both parent and teen are laughing together at the end.
Parents often times fight amongst each other when their teenager becomes difficult. When both parents are on the same page as to how to communicate with the teen, there are less disagreements.
No reason to medicate your teen when you can use tactics that will improve their behavior naturally.
Taking away electronics can make teenagers very angry. Instead of imploding your entire day, these techniques can be used to calm down the teenager.
These are tactics you can begin to use in the real world. Whether it is work, a store or other family drama, these are skills every person should practice.
Teenagers can be difficult to raise, similiar to sending a rocket to space.
They walk in singing and dancing, Nano second later, they hate their life and want to hurt everyone.
Teenagers can become completely irrational and angry in seconds for no reason at all.
BR Teen was created by two parents trying to raise a teenager. Their jobs both require negotiation skills and they have read and practiced extensively on this subject. Gina is a litigator and partner in a law firm since 2002. She negotiates high exposure cases and is a trial attorney. James is a business owner and successful negotiator.
As their teenage daughter grew up, they noticed a big change in her personality. At first, this caused many fights, mistakes were made and they both knew something had to change. They both read Chris Voss' book "Never Split the Difference" and figured out that they should negotiate with their teenager when she went into an irrational state of mind. No more yelling or trying to give life lessons when the teenager became irrational. They work to get the teenager to a calm or rational state of mind before starting the true parenting. Today, they have a great relationship with their teenager and are now employing the tactics with their tween daughter.
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